Friday, March 27, 2015

Ted Cruz is a "Lightening Rod" Candidate

Ted Cruz, from Texas. First GOP Presidential Candidate

 Ted Cruz is a Senator from Texas, and he has recently announced that he will be running for President of the United States of America in 2016. Right now there are a lot of Democrats losing their minds over this, not because they believe he can win, but because they see that his candidacy is nothing more than a lightening rod meant to draw the ire of conservative, and liberal voters a like, toward another candidate. That candidate has not yet been decided of course and the GOP has yet to hint who their next man or woman will be, which is all a part of the strategy. All they need to worry about right now is how they are going to draw as much negative attention to this man as possible, then when the hate reaches it's peak they'll finally introduce their next guy. Someone who seems much more sensible then this Cruz character and his crazy Dr. Seuss antics. A guy who all Republicans can get behind and support, because by comparison he seems like a conservative hero like Reagan or Bush, even though this man's policies are just as insane they'll say, “well, at least he isn't Cruz. That guy is just weird.” 

Some have made the joke, “Ted Cruz is my man because he's the only man.” Well, those folks are right, he is the only man, until the GOP comes out with their trump card (not Donald Trump, of course), which will be some ultra conservative wolf in the disguise of a so-called moderate conservative. Someone who will seem less insane by proxy, that Republicans can rally behind to disguise their own insanity. And that's what a lightening rod candidate is.
In order for the strategy to work you need to find someone that the general public despises. Sure, they may be big shots in their own home districts, but the rest of the world scratches their heads and wonders what wacky thing they will propose or do next. They are the lightening rod candidates, the guys and gals who stands out and takes the hate vote, the slings and arrows. Their main function is to efficiently distract the public with nonsensical bells and whistles to help his or her party steal the election. 

A good example of this is when Hunter S. Thompson ran for Sheriff in Aspen, Colorado. He never really wanted to run in the first place, rather he had a friend who was running for a separate public office, and it didn't seem like anyone liked him. So in order to help his friend get elected Hunter threw his hat into the ring and ran for Sheriff in order to draw away the hate that his friend was getting and having them focus it all on him. He made outrageous promises like tearing up the streets and replacing them with grass, making drugs legal, and even eating drugs while on the job in the Sheriff's office. He was hoping that he would scare enough people into thinking that he was a lunatic, and that his friend was much more sane and likable by comparison. 

Hunter Thompson, while running for Sheriff in Aspen, Colorado

Another good example of a lightening rod candidate was Sarah Palin, back when she ran in 2008. Just like Hunter all she had to do was be her normal, mentally deranged self in order to attract the hate vote and distract from the other guys, who are in most cases really bad guys who walk on that razor thin edge of legitimacy and criminality. Unfortunately, just like Hunter's lightening rod campaign gained momentum Palin's did as well to some degree. They were both successful in capturing the hearts of those truly twisted individuals who either really agreed with their absurdities, or were only drawn in because they believe that perhaps the candidates eccentric personalities meant they actually had good ideas. 

Palin's popularity in the GOP inexplicably exploded back in 2008, just like Hunter's did in his 1970 bid for Sheriff. She was brash and she didn't care who she offended, and at the time that's who Republicans were lusting for. The gun toting mama from the harsh tundras of Alaska who shot first and asked questions later. She would take helicopter rides across her home state to shoot bears and wolves, which gave conservatives across the nation a massive hard-on as they could now imagine her hanging out of an open helicopter's fuselage wearing tight camouflage leather pants and black tank-top and hat holding an M-4 Carbine while flying over Arab villages and shooting at innocent people. She would become their new poster child because of this, and her face will be plastered on walls outside of American military bases all across the world with the caption, “You gotta lead'em!”

Fake picture of Sarah Palin used to illustrate my point
It was this rabid image of pseudo-patriotism and masochism that made Palin so popular that she seemed the perfect candidate to join John McCain at his side by being his Vice President. It seemed like the perfect Rambo loving, Republican ticket. You had your Presidential nominee who was a tough as nails Vietnam pilot and prison of war, and your Vice Presidential nominee who was a gun loving mother of five who lived in the boonies, and killed animals for sport from the safety of luxurious helicopters. 

Unfortunately for the Republicans they forgot that a lightening rod candidate, no matter how popular they are with that insane fringe of American society, cannot win any election. Sure, they had a lot of momentum that gathered behind them with this image, but she also brought a lot of hate to McCain's campaign and thus hurt his chances in the long run. Maybe the Republicans thought if they paired their golden boy with their lightening rod it would some how produce a canceling-out effect, and the people's hate for Palin will make them want to vote for McCain anyway because of how much saner he seemed by comparison. But in reality getting close to Palin in that regard made him seem just as crazy as her, if not even crazier. 

But the GOP was blind to this at the time. They became rock stars over night with their battle hardened war hero, and the women who they believed could be the sexy surrogate mother of America. The immense amount of support that flooded in from all sides so quickly made them all drunk with assurance. They seriously believed they could take the election with this, but they were wrong, and Barack Obama became the man of the nation. The GOP couldn't see where they went wrong, and it was such a blow to the ego that they just wanted to crawl back into bed, drink some Nyquil, and try to forget about this entire disaster. 

Now the Republicans have this man, Ted Cruz, from Texas. The perfect lightening rod candidate. He looks like some mad scientific experiment to combine the genes of Desi Arnaz and Ron Paul in order to deter decent god fearing Republicans away from the idea of scientific genetic manipulation, and Ted Cruz. In order to hide this injustice against humanity he was hidden under the capitol after his test-tube emergence, and left to feed off the scraps left behind by his half-brother, Rand, until he became too big and could longer fit in the cramped crawlspace just beneath the Senate floors. In order to allow him to fit in with the others they outfitted with a suit just like theirs, except that his was meant to hide the horrible deformities that he was afflicted with as the result of him being a genetic freak. They gave him a nice cushy job keeping a Texas Senator's chair warm until they could find a more suitable replacement. His main function is to make liberals heads explode and conservatives to cringe at the thought of their party even being represented by this monster, who has apparently taught himself how to read Dr. Seuss. 

Cruz will say all the insane things he can, instigating both sides of the political spectrum, while the GOP looks for their next sociopath and grooms him to be the next Republican Presidential golden boy. And when that next sociopath comes conservatives will be able to let out a long sigh of relief and will all together join in reciting everyone the litany, “At least he isn't Ted Cruz.”

 Hash? Why Yes.
#2016Election #TedCruz #GOPPresidentialCandidate #2016PresidentialElection #CampaignTrail2016

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